City Inn Bristol

Looking for a North East Texas Bed and Breakfast / Cottage ... Help, need some local info? Hubby and I want a little mini vacation in 2 months. I've looked and looked but can't find exactly what I want for a get-away. Any ideas??? Area is NE Texas, SE Oklahoma, East Louisiana....the few things I want to find all in one place are medium to large garden to explore hot tub/ jacuzzi a goooood breakfast (not doughnuts and sugary crap...but eggs, sausage etc) privacy a couple of fun local things to go see, tours, an awesome restaurant, that kind of stuff NOT smack dab in the middle of town surrounded by noise, trains, traffic...more country 2 night stay up to $140 a night Thanks!

What are the laws, costs and procedures involved in opening a bed and breakfast in (Henderson County) Texas? Please advise of any rules and regulations, fees and costs, and how to go about opening a bed and breakfast in general, and if there is anything else specific to that area in Texas. Thanks for your help! :) House is on three acres, is an 1890's farmhouse with three bedrooms, two baths, two fireplaces, central heat. Recently renovated roof, siding, and electrical. The house is about 2,100 square feet.

Looking for a trendy bed and breakfast in Texas? I live in Fort Worth and it seems that all the B.B are verry country style which is not my taste for a retreat....anyone know a nice gate-away that is moder, trendy, but fun too ? Any near the DFW i dont mind driving 2 hours away

Where agood bed and breakfast in texas? I'm looking for something romantic, quite, and hopefully on or near water, that would be cool! But I'd like to know if anyone knows of any in tx?

What is a really nice and romantic Bed and Breakfast in central Texas? I am getting married on leave from Iraq so I am looking for a really special place to take my soon to be wife on our honeymoon. A private hot tub or at least whirlpool tub for 2 is a must, but preferably a hot tub. It doesn't have to be in Austin I really like Fredricksburg.

Which bed and breakfast is best in Galveston Texas? I want to do something romantic for my husband and I for our first year anniversary. I came up with the idea of a bed and breakfast at Galveston, but I have never been to one of these places...I dont even know how they really work. Any suggestions?

are there any government grants for women to start a business like a bed-and-breakfast in texas?

bed and breakfast in jefferson, texas.? what are the names of some bed and breakfast in jefferson, texas?

Where can I find marketing statistics on bed and breakfasts in Texas?

Are there any bed and breakfast in corpus christi texas? it may be found off of ocean drive in corpus christi

Baby Shower and Places to Have 1 "N" Houston Texas.Like A Nice restuarnt Or Bed And Breakfast?Also..... My baby is due on Jan. 12, 2009 and i wanted to have the baby shower like a few weeks before my due dat but thats christmas time And I Know ppl will be busy with the holiday stuff so I wasthinking about having it in October. Is thats ok. I mean i dont wanna over whelm ppl with the idea of getting me a gift the other holiday stuff on top of that? Any good Ideas. ~*~*~*~*~*~* Also I want to know where I can purchase some really good flaky danishes for the baby shower this is a must~*~*~*~*~ Thanks In Advance For All Your Help!! Im not throwing my own i just want ideas to tell my sister what i want.

Where is a nice quiet place in Texas to go for a romantic weekend getaway? My birthday is coming up and rather than celebrate with a big party, I just want to get out of the city. We live in Dallas and are on a bit of a budget, so flying somewhere is out of the question and so is an expensive hotel. We are looking to spend around $100 to $125 per night and don't like the bed and breakfast type places.

Bed and Breakfasts what are you exeperiences? I've decied to suprise my fiance for new years eve and take him to a B&B. Its our first time going to a B&B so I wanted to know if anyone had any advice or experiences they would share. The B&B is in Jefferson Texas its called the McKay House.

what are some off the beaten path places to stay in San Antonio Texas? like to be near the sight seeing things but still a fun bed and breakfast type place near the river walk with parking too.....breakfast included -

My friends and I want to go on a weekend trip, any good attractions in north texas? We live in the Dallas area, so we've already done the zoo, museums, etc. Any good cheap bed and breakfasts? or cool little towns to shop in? Any suggestions?

Romantic Ideas Please...Experience needed.? Okay guys, the champagne & roses are a given, my wife and I will celebrate our 15 year anniversary. She knows we are going somewhere, but doesn't know we are going to a secluded bed & breakfast in the Texas hill country. After 15 years, we've just about done all the scented baths and such. I'm looking for the most UNIQUE idea. Points up for grabs!!! here goes nothing! - Swimming Pool - Hot Tub - Small Village with shops nearby - Fireplace cottage - Quiet wooded area with wildlife. - 3 Days and 2 nights in Wimberly, Texas Go crazy guys!

Where can I take my future wife after getting married in November? Between Austin and San Antonio.? We'd like it to be in Texas as we will take a bigger vacation later on 2010. But in November, we'll have 6 days for vacationing. I'm open to recommendations of bed & breakfast or a hotel near a lake or small town. Looking for romantic of course. Any ideas?

If you had a financial backer and could open any business? what would it be? Where? I would open a Bed & Breakfast with a place in the back for my husband to do his gunsmith work Either in the Piney woods or Hill country of Texas

Cute, quaint, place to stay in Austin Texas for honeymoon? we are staying a couple of days in Austin for our mini honeymoon. I really like "the austin motel" but they are booked up. Are there any other quaint cute places to stay perhaps a bed and breakfast near downtown? I've been doing research but I need some help! Thanks. angel, why did you hate wimberly??I'm curious

I have a question about evicting somebody? So my parents own a bed and breakfast in Texas with a carriage house, house, etc.... and about 3 weeks ago a woman came crying on the the front steps (my parents are christian) and they said she could sleep in the carriage house for one night. Well the brought her belonging's in the carriage house and she has been there for three weeks. She will not leave and she just goes in the house and does whatever. Well we locked the doors last night and she called the police on us and we we're told she could go inside OUR home. Well a week ago we put her stuff on the street and changed the locks well the police said she was living here and we could get in trouble. Well we hired a Private Investigator and they said she had 10,000 dollars in a local account and it could be proven but she refuses to pay rent. Well my mother grabbed the ladies arm to stop her from getting in the house and the lady threatened assault charges on her. How can I get rid of her. We need to do it legally of course but as swift as possible.

Texas B & B? What do you recommend for a Bed and Breakfast or Guest House near a winery in Texas?

Honeymoon ideas in Texas? I am stuck on ideas for a honey moon in Texas. The wedding is at the end of November. We want to keep it to Texas and go somewhere bigger later on. We were thinking about 2-3 days for this first honeymoon. I am flustered. My fiance said the coast, but it's washed away and it's too cold as he envisions us walking along the beach at. It does not sound like fun to be shivering our butts off then. I don't want to shop at whimsical places, I don't really care for a massage. I will be pampered the day of my wedding so pedis and manis are not necessary. We both agree we want to be with each other. But I am stumped on where to go. We live in Austin, so that's not what I want to do. We were thinking of a bed and breakfast, but we can't decide where to go. Pretty much all I want to do is eat, sleep, watch football, drink a couple of beers, the obvious, and take a nice bath or two with something that smells nice and stay warm (not miserably hot). Northerners keep in mind, Texans freeze at 50 degrees.

Texas Residents.... ? Does anyone know a reasonable, but nice cabin or bed and breakfast between DFW and the Stephenville area?

Southwest (Texas/Arizona/New Mexico?) vacation - looking for recommendations? Looking for a safe, quiet clean area in Southwest for a vacation for my wife and I. We're both in our 30s, looking at decompressing. We'd be happy with some quaint little city, hopefully with a nice clean beach, local shops and dining. We both like exploring art, foot, etc. We're not high maintenance, so don't need high end. It's hard to find out about the smaller towns, so looking for advice. We both have high stress jobs, so looking for quite and relaxing. Wouldn't mind if it was an hour or two outside of a large city. Bed and breakfast, affordable hotel, etc. are all fine.

I Answer ? all the time and no one can Answer Mine. thats messed up. i just wanted help with plannin.... my baby shower.Baby Shower and Places to Have 1 "N" Houston Texas.Like A Nice restuarnt Or Bed And Breakfast?Also..... My baby is due on Jan. 12, 2009 and i wanted to have the baby shower like a few weeks before my due dat but thats christmas time And I Know ppl will be busy with the holiday stuff so I wasthinking about having it in October. Is thats ok. I mean i dont wanna over whelm ppl with the idea of getting me a gift the other holiday stuff on top of that? Any good Ideas. ~*~*~*~*~*~* Also I want to know where I can purchase some really good flaky danishes for the baby shower this is a must~*~*~*~*~ Thanks In Advance For All Your Help!! not throwing own shower sister is. OMG I'm not being a snob. This is my first baby and i want everything to be perfect. OMG I'm not being a snob. This is my first baby and i want everything to be perfect. I'm not throwing demands my sister asked me questions and they already know i'm spoiled and they want it the be perfect for me so every one who is a ass f off I'm not throwing demands my sister asked me questions and they already know i'm spoiled and they want it the be perfect for me so every one who is a ass f off

Help with Baby shower Baby Shower and Places to Have 1 "N" Houston Texas.Like A Nice restuarnt Or Bed And Breakfast?Also..... My baby is due on Jan. 12, 2009 and i wanted to have the baby shower like a few weeks before my due dat but thats christmas time And I Know ppl will be busy with the holiday stuff so I wasthinking about having it in October. Is thats ok. I mean i dont wanna over whelm ppl with the idea of getting me a gift the other holiday stuff on top of that? Any good Ideas. ~*~*~*~*~*~* Also I want to know where I can purchase some really good flaky danishes for the baby shower this is a must~*~*~*~*~ Thanks In Advance For All Your Help!! I'm not throwing my own baby shower. i just ideas to tell my sister what i want. I ouwld rather throw my own bc i'm very picky about my stuff. thanks! Well i was thinkin about having it at my boyfriends moms house but not sure yet? Just wanted to do something different.

Where to stay in Lake Texoma? My family and I will be going to Lake Texoma this weekend and would like to know which side is prettier the Oklahoma or the Texas side of the lake. Also we need a place to spend the night on Saturday, we want something as close as possible to the Lake. We are open to cabins, bed and breakfast and or hotels. Just as long as it's near the lake. Any locals from around the area: suggestions are welcome. Thanks

What's a good vacation? Where's a good, inexpensive, warm destination. I've used up Texas and nearly all southern states. I'm looking into bed & breakfasts (can't trust hotels, definitely NOT motels). And it should have something to do beside the "Disney" experience. Thanks for sharing.

Birthday/Anniversary ideas? Okay my boyfriend's birthday is at the end of the month and its also the same day as our anniversary. I'm trying to find somewhere to go in texas that would be a really cute idea but not too expensive. Maybe cheaper bed & breakfasts or hotels? I also need cute ideas on what we should do ;).

Proposition 8: Can I tell you the difference between gay marriage and domestic partnership? Here it is: I am Italian (Rino) and my husband is American (Lloyd). Marriage. Me and my husband got married in the UK and now my husband is a European citizen like me. He can work, buy a house, do whatever he wants in Europe thanks to our marriage. We have bought a house in Italy by selling the old house of MY parents, which we turned into a bed and breakfast in Tuscany and he pays his share of taxes like every other European does. He can run our bed and breakfast company on his own and manage the paperwork without any of my help. Me: Even though we have a bed and breakfast in Italy, our home in Dallas, Texas. Here I am attending the college and trying to get a bachelor in Business because I have always been working and never had the time to graduate. But that's not the only reason why I am going to college. I can be in the US only with a student visa, because I do not qualify to start any business, I cannot have a mortgage from a US bank, I do not qualify for a SSN because international students do not qualify. If ever Lloyd will get sick, and he will need to use an American hospital, I will not be able to be with him because I do not qualify for any domestic rights, because I am not an American citizen. If I drop out of school, I will have to live separately from Lloyd if he needs to come home to the US. I have to show off at least $50,000 in cash from my bank account every 2 years just to extend my student visa and I must be at a high academic standing if I want to keep staying in Dallas with my husband. We live in a constant fear and despair because the US denies our right to live together and be socially recognized. Getting married in Massachusetts or California will not change the situation because they are state laws. I send Lloyd to manage the bed and breakfast in Italy during summer while I have to make sure to verify my passport visa every time I live the US and go to college in the summer so I can get a degree faster. The only way I can become a citizen is by having a working visa, when in truth I already have a job. I will first have to find a company that will eventually sponsor me, and then I will have to work both for this company full time for many years and plus manage the bed and breakfast with all the stuff. I had to get to Italy in several occasions during summer to help my husband in Italy. This tells you the gravity of the situation. It's an injustice, in a land that I thought it was called the land of opportunity. And you know why I am doing this? Because I love Lloyd to death and he loves me even more, to the point that we go through all this mess for the sake of having a great life together. Even though I am 26 and I think gay rights will never be completely given in a short time, I am here to say that at least Americans come back to its global importance by voting NO to the Proposition 8 in California.

Places to go, see. Tx, Okla, Ark road trip mid October...suggestions? Going to take a 4 day, 3 night road trip mid October Leaving from North Texas area and venturing into Oklahoma, possibly Arkansas. Wondered if anyone had any suggestions of things to see, places to go, whatever...Would like to check out some old cemetaries, ghost towns, bed and breakfasts...Anything off the beaten path, not your typical tourist attractions. Suggestions?

I ain't afraid of no ghost!? Here is a list of the most haunted places in the USA. .SO..............................................Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Would you stay here? Top 10: haunted hotels Not afraid of ghosts? Head to our top picks for haunted hotels for a spine-tingling getaway.1. Farnsworth House Inn, Gettysburg, Pa. 2. St. James Hotel, Cimarron, N.M. 3. Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast, Fall River, Mass. 4. The Menger Hotel, San Antonio, Texas 5. Stanley Hotel, Estes Park, Colo. 6. Lemp Mansion Restaurant & Inn, St. Louis, Mo. 7. Rosario Resort and Spa, Orcas Island, Wash. 8. Buxton Inn, Granville, Ohio 9. Crescent Hotel & Spa, Eureka Springs, Ark. 10. Wyndham Bourbon Orleans Hotel "...who's that coming over the hill is it a Monster....a Monster......" Boooooooooo and wooooooo!

I am loking for a hotel for w/ pool in Abeline, Texas for 5-20-06 to 5-21-06? I want something with a pool and cable with two beds where kids stay free and a contintal breakfast. I need two beds or if possible two rooms at a good price. There is 2 adults and 5 children all under the age of 11

What is the right thing to do in this situation? Here's the deal: My family is from Kansas. His family is from Mexico. He, myself and parts of our family live in Texas. Our families have offered to help financially with small stuff (his mom will help with the cake, my mom will do the centerpieces, etc.) but he and I are taking care of the big stuff and everything else financially. We both have decent jobs but we're not rich. OPTION #1 (BRIDE'S FAV): The origional plan was to do an intimate local botanical garden wedding in the fall. Followed by a dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. 50 people tops. Probably closer to 35. Something simple like this is has been my dream. Simple wedding, simple dress, simple decor followed by an AWESOME week-long honeymoon. OPTION #2 (GROOM'S FAV): As we were saving for the garden & vendor reservation fees, one of our friends highly reccomended a bed and breakfast... and brought us a brochure. We agreed to look into it, visited it, and my groom FELL IN LOVE with the location and wants to do it there the following spring. They require a minimum of 75 people, we can only use their food, cake & vendors (so our family may not be as open to helping), and it's going to cost about 8k. If we did this we'd skip the honeymoon. OPTION #3 (MY FAMILY'S FAV): My mom and grandparents suggested doing it on their land in Kansas next spring. They have over 50 acres and a horse arena that is brand new and has never been used by animals. She thinks we can invite as many as we want and still keep it fairly reasonable. OPTION #4 (HIS FAMILY'S FAV): His mom suggested doing it in Mexico next summer in a hacienda by their house. She says we can invite 200 people and spend $3,000 tops. She took photos of the area, put together a vendor list and got everything pretty much all planned out. My job is pretty chaotic (long hours, very stressful & competitive). So I would secretly feel overwhelmed by a big wedding and cheated if we didn't have enough money for a relaxing honeymoon just the two of us. But I'm the only one who feels this way and feel selfish hanging onto the idea of the first option when everyone else (my groom included) wants something else. What would you do? Sorry it's so long... geesh. Thanks in advance for your responses.

What is the closes hotel/motel near the Molson Centre in Montreal? I'm an American from Austin, Texas who hopes to take a road trip from Austin to Montreal. (It should be quite an adventure!) And I'd like to stay at a place that is so close to the Molson Centre that you could walk to and from it. Price is not an issue, and I'm not worried if it's located in a good or bad neighborhood. Just as long as it's near by. And I don't care if it's a hotel, motel, or a bed and breakfast place. I don't know if there are any wrestling fans reading this right now, but if there are, I'm sure you know the Molson Centre is where the infamous Montreal Screwjob took place at, and I recall reading in Shawn Michaels (*boos*) that he and the other wrestlers stayed at a hotel right

Why is she doing this to me!! get ready this one is long.? OK i asked about the cheating the other day after 8 years allow me to break it down further so i can get a better assessment. We ran off very young 9 years ago. we love each other so much she was 14 I was 17. We both quit school, the law got involved and we ran off like Bonnie and Clyde. We went to California and the law followed, we had issues in Cali and I put my hands on her. Now that I'm older and i know that is so wrong so I'm no saint i can say I was an 17year old punk that did not know what was going on, and she was just a little girl that was confused. We crossed the border in to Mexico and we were homeless for 3 months she never left my side. Then, I said enough. I decided to leave her with her mom in Mexico and i came back to the states to earn money to get her back. When i came back to the States i found out she was with another guy there. When i went to pick her up she was covered in hickeys but i told her to come with me because I loved her and I forgave her. After all did put my hands on her before that and I felt like I deserved it, for doing so. We came back to the states and then she got pregnant with our first son Angel. I was bitter because she had cheated and i cheated. the law caught up to us again ans we ran off to Texas this time, She had a complicated pregnancy and after 5 months Angel was born premature and died. we had no money so we could not cover the hospital bill and could not bury him. She hated me and blamed me because she said if i would not have cheated he would have lived. Shew said i put her through too much stress. I was torn and so was she. We got married later on that month it was very sad still remember after 8 years, but the law could no longer take me to jail and we could finally live in peace we loved each other. We hung in there and mender the heart ache and for a while things were good, almost 4 years after that our little girl came. Our little thanks giving baby she is so beautiful. I got tired of living paycheck to paycheck so I did the sure thing and I joined the Army 3 years after that. we still had no issues and life seem so be getting better and better each day before I left to basic training we found out she was pregnant with our little boy. Once again we were so happy, and now I was gonna have a good job and I was finally going to maintain and give her all i could and have a solid house hold. We had our ups and downs but after 8 years of marriage I went to war and she cheated. I'm am crushed. I even attempted suicide because all my struggles all of the heart ache was in vain. I forgive her I do! I know I was not a good man, and maybe not even a good father but I have tried so hard for so long just to give her a better life. We have a nice home 2 vehicles nice furniture all the things most people wish they had. she dresses in designer clothing and i worship the ground she walks on! I would cook and clean, do my own laundry and help her with the dishes, i gave her massages and lavished her when ever i could, I would even make her breakfast in bed. I changed diapers, I tried so hard. Now she says she doesn't know what to do she doesn't say she loves me she gets defensive and cusses at me a lot, all i want is her to tell me she is sorry and that she cares, but no matter what I always get let down . I got blown up by an IED a week ago I took shrapnel to the face. I'm lucky that I am healing just fine and there will be little to no visible scars. I got lucky and I am still alive but i honestly wish that I was not. The night before i asked her if she loved me and poured my heart out to her! but she just cussed and i cried my self to sleep. why is she doing this. I forgive her and she knows it we have a beautiful family, why is she throwing it all away?. I would like to ad that she lied to me about her age back then and it was too late when I found out, we are only 4 years apart, we have been happily married for 8 years. I did not see this coming. I am now 27 I cheated once 8 years ago right before we got married I have never done it again and I have gone out of my way not to. there is so much you can do you can walk away say no, I just dont get it

Interracial love....is their a difference? I have been involved in a interracial relationship for going on 6 months now. I have dated outside of my race before but this is the first serious relationship that I have had outside of my race. We have very different personalities and sometimes that is what makes our relationship so interesting. He is different and unlike any man I have ever dated. I was attracted to him because of his in your face attitude, his drive, and his fun loving persona. He's Italian and from New Jersey. I'm Black and from Texas. We recently just moved in together. It was great at first but now I am feeling kind of smothered. He gives me undivided attention and loving , which is good but can be annoying at times. I know he loves me and I love him. He waits on me hand and foot. He brings me breakfast and coffee in bed every morning. He cooks for me and he makes my lunch. He's always there when I need him and I appreciate that. I know it seems as though I should be happy that I found such a good person but I just think that because he tries to do everything for me that I am becoming too dependent on him. I'm 31 and he is 40. Is this type of treatment normal?

What do you think of what I have so far for my second chapter? (not very long)? My dream seemed the same as always except the lonely sky once filled with billions of peaceful stars now erupted with thunder, enraged and pounding at the sky, rain poured from the heavens as I continued through the dream. Like usual I walked in silence with my bare feet squishing into the hard earth, and differently my dress clung to me in rags due to the rain. Every other step I took the memory of my mother flashed in front of me like lightning. Her scared look and her piercing scream repeated itself, growing in intensity each time. After I stepped onto the tall rock that I always stood upon the flashes of memory moved from overwhelming everything to the clouds. With each thunder clash and lightning strike a memory illuminated the sky with pain and the moon grew larger. It enveloped me again, but then it turned black with the memories smoldering in it. I couldn’t escape the memories, when I closed my eyes they flashed upon my eyelids. I ran, to what I didn’t know, maybe a flicker of refuge, to a place unknown in the moment, only hoped for but I ran upon the forsaken ground to a glimpse of forgiveness. As I sprinted faster the moon never left me. Even after miles it seemed to gain ground on me until I collapsed onto the cold ground and the unforgiving moon swallowed me. I woke up in a cold sweat and gasping for air. Glancing over at my clock on my bedside table the time only read 1:30. Sighing I threw my feet over the side of the bed and stood up. I slipped on a pair of jeans and my boots then tiptoed out of my bedroom. I slowly walked down to the door off the dining room and crept out to the barn. There I grabbed a grooming kit then walked over to Epona’s stall. “Hey girl,” I said tiredly while stroking her neck. She neighed softly as I opened the stall door and slipped inside. I groomed her quietly, first with the curry comb then with the several other brushes. I combed through her mane and tail then picked her hooves out. After giving her a full groom I walked out of the stall and came back with some hay. After putting it in her hay net I filled her water. With still more time I mucked out her stall slowly and shortly as there wasn’t much to clean. When I had finished all I could do I plopped down into the corner of the stall and dozed off into thoughtless sleep, for once for the past few weeks I finally slept with nothing haunting me in my sleep. “Luna, Luna, wake up,” I heard Sol and Nyte say together. Groggily I sat up and saw them leaning over me in Epona’s stall. “What are you doing out here?” Sol asked. “I couldn’t sleep so I came out her with Epona and I guess I fell asleep,” I said while yawning. “Well I’m presuming you cleaned,” Nyte said while looking around Epona’s stall, “it’s spotless in here, and Epona looks amazing.” “I needed something to get my mind off things, so I groomed Epona and cleaned her stall,” I said while standing up. “Well it’s time for breakfast and I’m hungry so let’s go,” Sol said sarcastically. We walked out of the barn and up to the house where we sat down for a huge breakfast including eggs, pancakes, bacon, Texas potatoes, orange juice, and lots of fruit. We ate ravenously and quickly like it was our last meal. “Just wondering Dad, who cooked all of this?” I asked knowing he didn’t. “Nyte did, and it is all from scratch. He’s a pretty good cook if I do say so myself, maybe we should hire him as our cook.” “I think he has got enough work to do Dad,” I said. “Well I’ve got some news for everyone, Grandma and Grandpa are coming from Alaska, they should be here tomorrow,” my Dad said. “Would there be anything you want me to do extra today to prepare for them?” Nyte asked my Dad. “Actually I thought I would give you the day off today. You can do anything you want.” “Thank you sir,” Nyte replied. “Remember, Louis,” my Dad reminded. “Sorry sir, I mean Louis,” Nyte stumbled like last night, Following that we all ate in silence and after we finished Sol, Nyte and I headed out to the barn. Instead of getting our horses out we headed up a staircase that went into the ceiling. ~~~~~~ please comment I still have a lot more to write

could you rap like this... lets see what you got.....? lets put it down like this, out time with the miss, pow slammed two ta ya head, lights out time for bed, be lucky im in a good mood and you aint dead, id bury your body in my shed, then hed out to the med, shiftin with the time, bury all you rythms, i gotta mouth like a sespool, spewin out sh@t that aint cool, call me your teacher, maybe your preacher, i got the ruler and its time to learn, some wurds, two times over in the burbs, dont speak outta line, i smaka ya till ya cry'n, im flyin, like 100 foot high i ride, sliped out tripped up an high, weed is how we survive, 3 foot blunts , panties in the front, rollin ten deep to the crip where da party at on grind street, straight out tyler texas, f@ck this its time for some breakfast, an you better break fast cause im coming up to claim your @ss, with a two by four screw driver or this pen, take ya down stab ya in the neck, lets begin, you said friend, fool, yea thts what you became, thought the ho's was down wit your game................ sh@t hommie thts lame, and i was on ya team, beer b@tchs and dreams, but now it seems i have to hang you from those beams, so get ys foot off the ground its swinging time pal, four years and moe time serverd ill be freer than your words, bleep this and bleep tht cause with my rythms you aint got jack.

Before deporting illegals, shouldnt we treat them to dance classes, bingo, continental breakfasts, etc? Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials are preparing to roll out a series of changes at several privately owned immigration detention centers, including relaxing some security measures for low-risk detainees and offering art classes, bingo and continental breakfast on the weekends. The changes, detailed in an internal ICE e-mail obtained by the Houston Chronicle, were welcomed by immigrant advocates who have been waiting for the Obama administration to deliver on a promise made in August to overhaul the nation's immigration detention system. The 28 changes identified in the e-mail range from the superficial to the substantive. In addition to “softening the look of the facility” with hanging plants and offering fresh carrot sticks, ICE will allow for the “free movement” of low-risk detainees, expand visiting hours and provide unmonitored phone lines. ICE officials said the changes are part of broader efforts to make the immigration detention system less penal and more humane. But the plans are prompting protests by ICE's union leaders, who say they will jeopardize the safety of agents, guards and detainees and increase the bottom line for taxpayers. Tre Rebstock, president for Local 3332, the ICE union in Houston, likened the changes to creating “an all-inclusive resort” for immigration detainees. “Our biggest concern is that someone is going to get hurt,” he said, taking particular issue with plans to relax restrictions on the movement of low-risk detainees and efforts to reduce and eliminate pat-down searches. The changes outlined in the ICE e-mail are planned for nine detention centers owned and operated by Corrections Corporation of America, including the 900-bed Houston Contract Detention Facility on the city's north side. Some of the changes will be implemented within 30 days; others may take up to six months, said Beth Gibson, ICE's senior counselor to Assistant Secretary John Morton and a leader of the detention reform effort. Other major changes include: • Eliminating lockdowns and lights-out for low-risk detainees. • Allowing visitors to stay as long as they like in a 12-hour period. • Providing a unit manger so detainees have someone to report problems to other than the guard. • Allowing low-risk detainees to wear their own clothing or other non-penal attire. • Providing e-mail access and Internet-based free phone service. Not about punishment Gibson said the improvements are part of ICE's efforts to detain immigrants in the least restrictive manner possible while ensuring they leave the country if ordered to do so. “When people come to our custody, we're detaining them to effect their removal,” Gibson said. “It's about deportation. It's not about punishing people for a crime they committed.” ICE officials have faced pressure from immigrant advocates and some members of Congress to improve the detention conditions for the roughly 400,000 immigrants it houses annually. The agency has relied on a hodgepodge of more than 250 government-run detention centers, private prisons and local jails to accommodate its growing population — with roughly one in four detainees held in Texas. At the CCA facilities that have agreed to ICE's changes, detainees will see more variety in their dining hall menus and have self-serve beverage and fresh vegetable bars. CCA also plans to offer movie nights, bingo, arts and crafts, dance and cooking classes, tutoring and computer training, the e-mail states. http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/7043040.html I see no mention of soft serve ice cream machines. I mean, that exclusion is just barbaric

anyone know how to gain weight fast? and cheap.? im on a 2010 calorie breakfast at 8:30 every morning. with a lunch at 12:00 that consists of a large pepperoni pizza and order of breadsticks. my dinner was around 6:00 and it was a full rack of ribs(texas roadhouse, best in the world ) along with 2 loaded baked potatoes, green beans, and 3 buttered rolls. after that i snack on whatever i can find till i go to bed. i weigh about 145 and am about 6'2 which puts me at extremely skinny. im not worried about muscle at the moment. i just need weight. ive actually gained about 20 lbs in the past 2 weeks. i need it faster. i just need a list of cheap fattening foods. it costs alot to eat as much as i do. also should i eat a meal just before i go to bed? and is it possible to get foodstamps if it were for medical reasons? are there any products or dietary supplements that will actually slow down your metabolism? and if anyone wants to know why i want to gain weight, its because my middle finger and thumb can touch at any point around my arms. no one wants to be that skinny. and if anyone wants to know why i want to gain weight, its because my middle finger and thumb can touch at any point around my arms. no one wants to be that skinny. yes its probably very unhealthy to eat this way. no i dont care.

How much do I charge to clean a 2 story 4,00 sq foot house?? Hello thank you for listening.sorry if so long...I ve been working on my own cleaning business for 2 years now, and its finally doing good, it has taken time, but its working out well.. I have 5 regulars, and a new one. My question is this..I don't charge by the hour, if I did I feel 20 an hour would be about the pay. I charge by the house and I know I am cheap...I would rather keep a regular client than loose one..so most of the houses I charge flat 75.00 and that works so far...but this new house is a 2 story 4,336 square foot home, the upstairs is 3 bedrooms all carpet, 2 bath upstairs and a huge play room, I cleaned her entire house 1 day took me 5 hours, I charged her 100 dollars, she didn't seem happy I thought 100 was cheap and I should have charged more..she wants me twice a month, so today when I came she said how about you just do the upstairs today, so I did, the kids toys all over the floor got picked up and put away by me, I also made 1 bed, dusted from roof down to blinds. I said since your house is so big, why don't I one week do upstairs only and then the following week do the downstairs? when I was done upstarts she asked me to do her windows inside and out, so I did..and then she said here is 40.00 for today took me about 3 hours, come to find out we were in high school together, so I said we need more time to figure out a fare rate we both feel good with..so not next week but the following I plan to go do her downstairs..it has a huge kitchen all big tiles, breakfast nook, big dining room , living room all tile..then a laundry room, tiled and a bathroom and tub they keep puppy in, and there master bedroom and bathroom had a huge double tiled shower all glass..and a sunken tub kids use most,and double vanity sinks..then a wooden floor toddler bed and room area..so that is the house..its huge, and she has kids so its messy and 3 indoor outdoor dogs..lots of hair and finger prints to get up...she asked me if I charged by the hour or if I charged by the sq footage or what? I said I charge by the job and after I finish I usually know...how much..everyone wants something cheap and reasonable..so how should I charge this woman?? she is nice and helps while I'm there, also cleaning along with me..she had a lady do her place that drifted off, she said sometimes she would ask for special stuff like clean out fridge or something like that. I am willing to work with her...but I must figure out my pricing for people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her house is huge and is time con consuming..so I would like to type up a special plan for her house..with more exact info.. for example I had one lady referred to me a lake house I cleaned for her twice she loved it I charged her 75.00 as well the last time she asked if I could change the beds..after I did 3 sets of bunk beds almost fell a few times and bumped My head..I wrote her a nice note saying, each set of bunk beds will be an additional charge of 5.00 per bed..that was my last summer cleaning, I'm sure when they use lake house again this summer she will call me.. so I know there has to be certain circumstances for each person..I am also a single mom raising my son and I work hard labor and deserve to be paid decent!! so thanks so much your opinion really matters to me..Sunni In Texas

How do you like my story? Now, when you read this, it might sound like Twilight a bit. I was reading Twilight at the time and all i could think of was hot vampire romance. Hehehe...so here it is. The book is called Five Drops. Here is the first chapter. Chapter 1: New Friends The annoying buzz of my alarm clock sounded at exactly 6:00, this morning. I groaned as the irritation didn’t stop. I rolled over in my bed and slammed my hand down against the ‘off’ button. The big day was finally here. I know I should be excited, but it just didn’t seem right without my friends. All my friends went to go to another high school. So only, I and nobody else I know are going to Calallen High School. My eyes flickered open. I groaned one last time and forced my tired body out of the bed. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I peeked at my room through my squinted eyes. Same old boring room I’ve had for years now. My bed sat in one corner, my dresser in the other, my desk across from my dresser, a small little couch sat across from my bed, and my large window that covered half my wall. I sighed and shuffled my way to the light switch. My finger flicked the switch on and light filled my dark room. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I shuffled my way to my bathroom. I flicked that light on and stared at my self in the mirror. I never really was that pretty. I have slightly pale slightly tan skin. I have light brown hair that falls down my back. It stops after the third rib and I have misty green eyes. I blinked and stared at my hair some more. “Yikes.” I mumbled to myself. I grabbed my comb that sat by my sink and started ripping at my hair. When my hair finally settled, I brushed my teeth. I washed my face quickly and went back to my room. When I got back to my room, I heard the silent sprinkle of rain tap against my window. I sighed. On the news, the weather forecaster said Corpus Christi was going to get a few months full of rain. Just what I needed, rain, in Texas…. I walked to my dresser and put on a dark green blouse and blue jeans. I tied my tennis shoes on and walked out to my bathroom again. I looked in my mirror again and smiled at my reflection. Perfect first day of school material. I thought. I flicked my bathroom light off, turned to my bedroom, and turned that light off too. I walked into the dark hallway and down the short stairs. I walked to my large kitchen, filled with every cooking utensil known to man. You see, my mother, Amelia, is a chef at a five-star restaurant, so she is big with her cooking. Now, my father is an owner of a library downtown. He works late all the time. I walked to the cabinet and pulled out a loaf of bread. I opened up the plastic and pulled out one piece. I tied a little twisty band around the end of the plastic and shoved it back into the cabinet. I heard someone move upstairs. It was probably my mom. I had to move fast. She hated it when she didn’t cook my breakfast. I walked to the toaster and stuffed the bread into the little rectangular slot. I set the timer on one minuet and sat down at our dining table. I heard someone walk down the steps and yawn. “Alee?” whispered the person. “In the kitchen, Mom.” I said. My mom walked into the kitchen with her brunette hair tied up into a bun. She had a large smile on her face, teeth showing and everything. I stared at her, shocked. Her smile faded. “What?” she asked. “Nothing, nothing, you just seem… happy.” I said. She smiled again. “Because I am happy.” she said leaning against the counter. “Why?” I asked suspiciously. The last time she was this happy was when Dad had been promoted as the owner of the library. “Because, today is your first day of school and because, finally, someone bought the houses!” she said. “Whose houses?!” I cried. She smiled wider and laughed. “Not ours, silly, our neighbors! You know those two houses next door. The large white one and the large tan one.” said Mom cheerfully. Cool, new neighbors. I hope they go to Calallen High School. Maybe we could be friends. Suddenly the soft pop of the toaster went off. Mom’s smiled disappeared instantly. “Oops.” I mumbled. “Alee Lucille Gardener, you know I wanted to make you breakfast! And I most defiantly wanted to cook your first day of school breakfast!” cried Mom. She crossed her arms and pouted. I rolled my eyes. “Jeez Mom, don’t be such a drama queen.” I said smiling. My humor didn’t work. She really wanted to make my breakfast this morning. Mom pouted some more and sighed. “I guess you’re getting older and need to take on some more responsibilities; like making your own food.” she mumbled. I smiled and got up to get the toast. Mom looked at the toaster and grumbled. I caught a few words like: “Why toast?” I waved stuffing the bread into my mouth. I walked to the front door, grabbed my bag, and slung it over my shoulder. “Bye, Mom! Tell Dad I said bye too!” I shouted in between bites. I opened the door and walked outside into the drizzle. I sighed and jogged my way to the garage. My new shiny blue S200 sat in the corner. Next to my Mom’s black Lexus, sat my Dad’s silver Jaguar. Everyone in my neighborhood had huge garages like ours. Our garage could only fit three cars. Others could fit two maybe four. My family had money, and I have no doubt on that. I walked to my car and threw my bag in the passenger seat. I pulled open the shiny door and sat down. The sent of new leather filled my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose. “Gross.” I murmured to myself. I stuck my key into the ignition and turned. The engine turned on easily and quietly. I pushed a button and the soft top slowly and quietly covered my head. I rolled the windows up and pulled out into the driveway. I glanced over to the newly bought white house and stared. Two boys climbed into a silver Mercury Sable. They pulled out of their driveway, right in front of me. “Hey!” I shouted. “You cut me off!” The boys floored their car and they drove out into the street. “Jerks.” I mumbled. I drove past the white house and next door to the white house sat a newly bought tan house. A boy and a girl were in a black Ford Taurus. I drove past them and out into the streets. I drove around a corner and onto Wildcat Dr. It is kind of funny how my school’s street name is the same name as their mascot. Go Calallen Wildcats! I drove into the parking lot and parked behind the silver Mercury Sable. “So, the jerks go to my high school. Yay.” I said flatly. As I said that, the black Ford Taurus pulled in beside me. I sighed and turned off the ignition. I pulled my key out and stuffed it in my pocket. I grabbed my bag and opened the door. I got out and closed the door. The rain sprinkled on me. I sighed and walked to the school. I stood outside under the schools roofing. Freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors all walked inside. I just stood there facing the doors. “What’s she doing?” whispered a freshmen girl to her friends. I ignored the comment and continued to stare. We had about twenty five minuets until the bells rang for first period, so I had time. “I know you!” cried a girl from behind me. I turned around and gasped. A beautiful girl stood behind me smiling. She had olive skin and straight black hair that flowed down her back to her hip. She had dark brown eyes that flickered in every in every direction. She had thin pink lines for lips that curved around her perfectly white and straight teeth. She looked about barley an inch taller than me. She wore a tight yellow shirt that wrapped around her arms and her chest. A little bit of her stomach was showing, and something glittery underneath her shirt shone. “Um.” I managed to choke out. She laughed. “Who are you?” I asked. “Neila and you?” said the girl. The girl held her books tightly to her chest. “Alee, how do you know me?” I asked. “We are neighbors! I live in the large tan house, I saw you in your car this morning. You had the S200. Right?” replied Neila. Neila shifted her weight and blinked. “Yeah. Who was that boy you were with? Your brother?” I asked. “No, he is my boyfriend. I’m living with his family, since my parents died in a car crash.” said Neila smiling still. I looked at the ground. I gasped. Her look was breath taking. “Sorry.” I said still looking at the ground. Neila laughed a musical laugh. “It’s okay. You didn’t say anything that offended me. Nothing offends me, really.” said Neila grinning even wider. My head jerked up, and I stared. I squinted at her. “Why did you move here?” I asked. “Because, Corpus Christi is beautiful.” said Neila, her smile fading. I released my stare and smiled. “Just asking!” I said cheerfully. I turned to face the door again. Two boys walked out the door I recognized the two boys from the car that cut me off. Anger boiled in my stomach. I wanted to yell at them and tell them to apologize. A heat wave swept ov ver me.... Sorry it is like 18 pages! I cant write anymore....but the next part is sooo good! Oh well...Maybe Ill post later...

What is wrong with my head? long, but if will award 10pts.? Okay. So, I'll start by saying I'm 16. Not in very good shape, and a my metabolism won't really let me get over 145lbs. I used to be in phenomenal shape, but I hit a bad turn, got into some trouble and lets just say I got pretty dang lazy. I was walking maybe a few hours a week so my body wasn't useless. (actually, I was so In shape, that now I feel like a regular person, after 8 months of inactivity lol). Recently, about 4 days ago I saw my friend walking with a girl. I picked them up and we went for a burn turn (maybe 50 yards away). aka, smoking cannabis. All was normal, But I didn't really want to wanna get to baked cause I was supposed to be at home. But it gave a very mild, yet intense panic attack that took all night and some next morning to recover. I found a new job painting and some pretty laboring work. Ever since then, I've been trying to get a hold on reality that just keeps going away. I felt like I was in a dream like state. 4 days after, I'm over it (although I fear going to bed after a panic attack, I still am afraid of falling asleep that I might die). I was waking up in the night over and over, which isn't an issue. I have been going to bed earlier (like 1 or 2 am, versus 4 or 5am). But I've been having weird pains and sensations since than. For instance, I get this morning (one minute before my alarm went off at 10:30, weird!) and I had a sharp pain behind my ear. Like if you take your hand, feel around directly behind it, there's what feels like a pointy bone, and that's right next to the paint. I've also been getting headaches, but I'm blaming that on not eating breakfast, due too I feel like I have to throw up after eating. I've been getting head pressure when I'm working and before I go to bed. (feels like when you let your head slightly off the bed a bit, except I don't feel dizzy). Here's the next thing. I have brown/tan specks on the palm of my left hand. Wight on the little fatty part below my Pinky. They change slightly everyday. Also been getting a lot of weird chest pains. Some that feel like there almost in my ribs, like my chest is inflamed. next, the top of my head has been feeling "sore" to the touch. like only to the back left of the very top. which, I blame using anti dandruff shampoo everyday for. (making the switch today). all of thes have been occurring after a virus that was supposed to last a month (that thankfully only lasted 2 agonizing weeks, about two months ago). the virus caused my skin to turn spotty red, and was confidently diagnosed. I also keep getting mild panic attacks like right now I'm getting one. and I feel like my airway closes up (But it doesn't, I can breath fine). all the stuff is stressing me out and making it worse. and causing more panic attacks. I can't go to the doctor because I just feel like there not clean at all. I really don't need to get more sick. Plus, its 45 minutes away, a five hour wait in the ER, and talking my mom into when she gets back from vacation in Texas is not going to happen. I just don't know what the eff is going on. I need someone too calm me down. Also note, I never feel tired. But its 5pm after work and I just want to fall asleep (been like this for past few days). But I'm too paranoid!!!! please someone give me some answers! THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU!

would u still be friends after all this? so i thuoght i had a best friend i met her in high school a year ago she moved to texas to live with her bf. which is lazy, controling( which she will not admit) but she has been there for a year only has went some where with her mom like 6 months ago when she went out there. all they go is to the bar and usually he wont take her, leaves her at home, she asks if he will take her places bc she doesn know any one he wont only want to go to the bar and hang out with his frineds atleast he puts his frined up high in his book like my friend use to . will not help with any house hold things at all yes he pays the bills but for example she asked him to put laundry in the washer that was sitting in front of the washer and he said no, makes her do every thing he wants i know it her fault for not stnading up for her self she is kinda fake now she want to always please him no matter what she wants or is giving up. never goes to the store she does every thign by her self. she was upset bc im( "Bff") pregnant and she was upset bc she has no friends out there and hasnt seen any of her frineds since she moved. but to the point is she came down here for two weeks and the first week with out her bf and we hung out almost every day and talked on the phone every thing was normal then her bf came and no phone calles never answered when i called she made plains with my husband and i and broke them i understand the reason why but didnt even try to make other plains bc her bf didnt want to i even called and asked he she wanted to go to breakfast she said yea then asekd her bf he didnt want to so they didnt go no calls made every excuse in the book why we couldnt hang out all week, bc her bf didnt want to. i understand a week is not long to see family and it is xmas time and family comes first i know and expected that but an hour out of one dya would have made a big difference i have pointed all this out to her and she makes excueses. she left back to texas no phone call bye or o i made it home or any thing. i thought we were best freiends every thing was fine before she came talked all the time just like old days but as soon as bf came no one else matters at all. still no phone calls since she has been home i have wrote her 3 emials she reads them and dont wright back. i know she dont have a strong will to stand up for her slef and want to please every one well know only her bf he has a 4 bed room house and all these things and if she didnt move out there shoe would still be living at home. before her bf came all heard about is how much money his family has. she seen her parents but his way more stayed last xmas over his parents and they just started going out and the same this year she puts her parents on the back burner too what would u do.

Can anyone give me any feedback with my novel thus far? I'm new to writing, but I like it a lot. I have issues with grammar and such, so this draft won't be perfect. This is a story geared toward teenagers. After reading it, if you don't like it at all, feel free to move on with out leaving a harsh comment. If you would like to leave some constructive criticism or leave a few suggestions, I would appreciate it. I have a prologue and 6 chapters already written, but I'm just going to share the first chapter for now. Ch.1 I jolt up from bed, eyes streaming with tears and body shivering with chills. I try to catch my breath as I heavily pant, noticing that the surrounding temperature is so cold that I can see my own breath. I finally calm down enough to look over at my alarm clock and see that the time is 6:27. Thirty-three minutes until first period starts. I collect my myself, brush my teeth, get dressed and run downstairs to see my mother at the dining table, reading the "Texas Times Newspaper" and sipping on her black coffee. "Addi?" she said "Addison, there are some waffles in the microwave and fresh milk in the fridge." "Oh, okay mom, but I'm really not that hungry right now and I'm going to be late." I said my mother looked up at me with worried eyes ans said "Addi, you really need to eat something. This is the second day in a row that you decided to skip breakfast and I'm beginning to worry about you" "Mom...I'm fine. i'm just not hungry right now. I'm not starving myself or purging my food or anything, so lay off! I'll just get a bagel at school or something." My mom massages her mocha colored temples and shakes her head at me. "Addison...just please eat something, especially since your field trip is today. The last thing we need is you collapsing in some strange place because you decided to skip breakfast." Sick of her whining, I grabbed a waffle and my car keys, shoved the waffle in my mouth in front of my annoying mother and said "happy now?" and left before she could answer me. I slid into my silver Neon Plymouth, turned the key in the ignition, and headed down the street toward my high school. As I was driving, I couldn't help but think about that reoccurring dream from last night that was all too familiar to me. I am seventeen now, but ever since I was twelve years old, I would dream about her. The beautiful, golden-haired woman in the red prairie dress. She was always running, always putting the iron box into the hollow of the tree, and always apologizing to her baby. My dream has always been the same.Always. But who is this woman? Who is that child? And why I dream about her? I was trying to make sense of the whole thing when Mrs. Del amour's golden retriever, Sandy, ran out into the street. "Oh my God!" I screamed. But there was nothing I could do. I closed my eyes, with my hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, tingling like crazy.I have never experienced anything like this before. It felt like my hands were falling asleep and I was losing control of the wheel. The strange sensation was spreading throughout my whole body and there was nothing I could do about it. I kept my eyes closed, thinking the worst had happened. I waited to hear the crunching sound of Sandy's bones, but i heard nothing. I cautiously opened my eyes to see Sandy in my rear view mirror, perfectly fine. "I don't get it. She was right in front of me." I said aloud. And she was. Sandy was two feet in front of my car and I know that Sandy couldn't have made it out alive, with the speed my car was going at, yet I couldn't explain how she had survived. This was definitely all the weirdness I could take right now, so I dissmissed the dream and the car incident from my brain for the time being. But really, how did sandy survive? I'm sorry that it's super long. I just have a lot of detail that I can't leave out because everything happens for a reason. I said people didn't like it please don't leave HARSH comments, like "you suck". Constructive criticism is welcome, but rudeness is not. This story is about a 17 year old girl, named Addison Tanner. Every night she dreams about a woman in a red prarie dress and has no idea why She later finds out how she is connected to the woman and how that connection ties into her life. She goes on a class trip, discovers that she is different from everyone else and gets teased about it. the anger from the teasing triggers some genetic abilities within her that results in a tragic accident involving her classmates and herself, yet she survives. She has no idea why she survives, so she seeks answers from her "dead" father's ides of the family who happens to be fundalmentalist mormans (she is biracial-black and white) whom she has never met. She then learns secrets and the truth behind the woman in the red dress. That's what I have so far as far as a summary. Ahh..sorry I have a lot of mistakes in my summary...I'm rushing right now. But I meant that she finds her father's side of the family. Sara- I understand what you mean by the conversation about the waffle not being that important. The waffle really isn't important, but I'm trying to show how the main character and her mother can get into arguments about anything and how these arguments push her to explore the other side of her family and cutting straight to the chase in a story can be confusing to readers of they don't have any background at all. Trust me, the dream is probably one of the most important parts of the story and i undertsand that a reader might noe get that now, but remember, this is just one chapter out of the story.

I'm writing a fantasy book, and I need lots of opinions..? Please read this and tell me what you think. It's only half of the first chapter but please tell me ur opinions. I have other chapters but the hardest part was the beginning. Chapter 1 Emma’s Dream It was beautiful here. There were all sorts of flowers, trees, and to the looks of it, tiny houses. Though maybe they could pass as cottages. The flowers were of many vibrant colors. Bright purple, soft pink, catching yellow, crimson red, and even dull green. Everywhere she turned and looked, the flowers were there. In each corner of the picture perfect forest was that tiny cottage. She felt as if someone was calling out to her, from the cottages. The pull was from each corner, as if she was going to be ripped into several pieces. Which way should she turn? The faster she turned to each corner, the tighter the pull got, and the blurrier the flowers were. She decided to take the upper right corner cottage. When she walked, she could still feel the pull of the other tiny houses calling her. It made her feel like it would take her hours instead of minutes to reach her choice. When she finally reached the small wooden door, she bent down to knock. Then the floor started shaking. As each bright flower around her withered to the forest floor, the tiny houses began to tumble to the floor too. She stepped away from the breaking cottage, and watched in horror as each beautiful cottage cracked into a million pieces. As she watched she then felt hot, steaming breath on the back of her neck. She couldn’t turn around. She knew that whatever was behind her, was the reason for the collapsing of the tiny cottages. The hair on the back of her neck stood up, with chills running down her spine. She swallowed hard, and turned slowly to face them. “Hello pretty!” Her eyes flew open with shock. Emma lay on her bed gasping and shaking. She looked around with wide eyes, recognizing her belongings in her room. She knew it was safe; she was back in her room. “It was just a dream,” she whispered to herself, still staring at her bright-lit room. “How many times have I had that crazy dream?” she asked her self. She turned to look out her window, and stared at the two small blue jays, perched on a tree branch that hung close to her window. They seemed to be dancing in circles around each other while singing at the top of their lungs. She sighed and realized that it must be after eight o clock or so in the morning. “I wonder if anyone is home?” she asked herself, getting up from her bed. She stood there scanning her room for her fluffy white slippers. As soon as she spotted them, she trudged towards them and slipped them on. She then walked to her cell phone on her desk. She checked for any missed calls or text messages. She had one text message. It was from her boyfriend Jesse. He had texted her a message asking her if she was awake. She had met Jesse at the beginning of her sophomore year at her high school. He was a new a new student, transferred from Corpus Christi, Texas. He was a nice boy, with a good attitude, and they had a lot in common when they met. So after two months of talking, he had asked her out. The date went well, and they remained together until now. Emma was planning on breaking up with him. She knew that it was all a game to him. He had pretended to have everything in common with her to make friends at their school. She figured it out when her friends would tell her that he was always flirting with other girls, and telling his friends that he was just using Emma. So she decided to break up with him the day after school let out. The day before she left to her yearly summer trip. She ignored his text message and walked down to her kitchen. It smelled of cooked eggs and burning bacon. “Hey mom.” Emma greeted her mother. “Hey honey,” Tessa greeted back, while she scrambled fried eggs and bacon on the stove. “How long have you’ve been up?” Emma asked, sitting down at the breakfast table. She sat next to her baby sister Jesselle, who was in her high chair playing with cheerios. “Oh not long,” Tessa replied. “I just got up about an hour ago. I had to make your father his lunch before he left to work. How come you’re up so early? I would of thought you would sleep in the day after school ended.” She slid the fried eggs into a big bowl and set it on the table. “Oh I had a bad dream,” Emma replied. “Plus I have a lot of shopping and packing to do before I forget.” Emma turned to Jesselle and started picking at some of her cheerios. Jesselle wailed loud, and pushed Emma’s hand away. “Em, leave her breakfast alone silly,” her mom said to her, while she popped bread into a toaster. “Okay, okay!” Emma said, while grabbing one more cheerio from Jesselle. Jesselle was only fifteen months old. She looked just like her mom, with big hazel eyes, and light brown curls that hung below her shoulders, while Emma on the other hand looked like her dad. Emma was short and thin, with wide brown e

am i an over-achiever? are colleges going to turn me down because of this? I'm 18 & am a senior in high school. I have been doing the same activities for years. Recently, my best friend told me that I'm an over-achiever. My guidance counselor suggested that I take it easy because colleges are looking for "more average people" these days. I always have my schedule filled. 8 classes a day. All classes have been either honors or college classes. this year's classes & activities: 4:00 am wake up 4:30 barn work 5:30 shower 6:00 make breakfast for family 6:30 get ready 7:45 leave for school 8:00 school starts 1st period, SUPA Spanish (class through syracuse university for advanced spanish, 4 credit hours) 2nd period, College English (through onondaga community college, 4 credit hours) 3rd period AP Biology 4th period Physics 5th period Calculus (through OCC, 4 credit hours) 6th period Lunch 7th period AP psychology 8th period AP government/economics School ends at 2:30 Monday: key club Tuesday: Yearbook Wednesday: Classic rock club Thursday: Big Sister program Friday: Student Council Activities last until 3:15 3:30 arrive home and clean stalls 4:30 eat and drive to work 5:00 work 10:00 get home and do homework 12:00 am go to bed yes i know that i don't get enough sleep. and i do homework during lunch rather than eat. I know this is unhealthy. this has been my lifestyle since 7th grade. Sometimes I have some serious trouble sleeping so I just go to the gym for an hour. My dad owns the farm that i help out on. He does most of the work during the day. I just take care of 10 out of the 50 horses here. I get decent money from this and work (about $1500/month). I work at a recording studio for my dad's friend so I do have time to do homework there, also. I'm also a volunteer firefighter and go to calls over the weekends and while not at work. I have maintained a 3.5 GPA with this same schedule for the past 3 years. I have received either 4s or 5s on my AP exams and 95%+ on regents exams. I also teach horseback riding lessons on the weekends, and work other people's horses for them Are colleges going to think that i'm overdoing it? Is college going to be this hectic with the work load? I'm planning on going to either SU, LeMoyne, or UTEP (in el paso, texas) to become a US History teacher. if i stay in the area, farm work will continue. I forgot to mention my ACT and SAT scores ACT 32 SAT 2190 are these decent? I didn't pay attention to what my highest could have been

top ten lists(its a joke!!!)? Top 10 reasons for not doing homework:- I din't have time my sister needed my kidney We converted to a religion that forbids algebra We had to use it for toilet paper when our plane went down in the desert my brother sold it on eBay It was confiscated for national security reasons,I can't tell anymore. My imaginary friend borrowed it and never gave it back IShaq was sick.So the lakers asked me to fill in It was due to may 12th of this year.DANG! Ithrew it at someone who said that you weren't the best teacher in school I dont remember anything after the aliens landed Things you'll never hear your parents say:- We think you need to improve your road rage score maple syrup baloons?COOL! why not drink it straight from the milk carton? Bedtime?not until you've read two comic books and watch some pro wrestling! Great rap song! turn it louder so that we can all hear Why don't you control the remote,you have better taste than your sister! Stick your arms out of the car window,there's a breeze Okay but don't let homework cut into your T.V. time No point in making the bed as you have to unmake it again tonight! no,we're not there yet but please keep asking! Least popular breakfast cereals:- Fish 'n' fiber Brocolli Chex candy coated cauliflower crisps Fruity styrofoam crunch Li'l bits o' tint Toasted hairballs Anchovy-O's frosted mini beets Flounder puffs Special P overheard in a cannibal family barbecue(if you've missed it):- "Lets invite the neighbors for lunch" "Get dressed-We're having company" "Mom sure makes a great hamburger" "I'd like to toast our guest of honour" "My stomach hurts-I think I ate someone who disagreed with me" "Want to try out the hot tub?" "Lately,I'm fed up with people" "I told you not to speak with someone in your mouth" "Don't get into a stew" "how did your team do today" "We creamed them" Ice-cream flavours rejected by baskin robbins:- Celery sorbet Beet 'n Brocolli rumba Sushi fudge surge Cookies 'n Clams Sludge brownie Choclate almond dirt Pinapple wood chip Dismember-mint Fudge Judy Chunky skunky Signs if a teacher is a werewolf:- Drinks from the faculty toilet Always styling her back hair Comes to work without her face combed Howls when she hears a good joke trims her elbows during homeroom Admits she does some"moonlighting" Sheds all over the teaches' lounge Wears a fur coat even in summer Slobbers over your homework When you shake her hand, you get rug burn cities that really exist(I swear) Flush,kansas riddle,wyoming toad s***,arkansas Gas city,indiana Tigght wad,missouri Boogertown,north carolina Pimple hill,pennysylania Go home,Canada Ding Dong,Texas Poop Creek,Oregon movies playing at the disgusting cineplex:- Lard of the rings Star warts Scoobie doo doo The sound of mucus The puke`mon movie Wizard of Ooze Mold Mountain Roadkill bill Honey,I stunk the kids James and the gaint leech

What do you think about my school Story?(not finished)? For 8th grade competition at my school for technology in 2025. Why did we continue? Why did we continue to make robots, and computers that could outsmart the human brain tenfold? I guess, no one could have seen the uprising coming. My name is Michealangelo, I’am 15 years old, and I’am a survivor of the uprising. The uprising happened in 2021, when Microsoft release Microsoft Supremacy. Supremacy was marketed ,as the best Computer Operating System ,out there. It was really an evil plot to get thousands of mindless slaves, or “zombies” to do their work. Supremacy Computers sent radio waves into the human’s mind and, hypnotize them. The only reason I’am not hypnotized is ,I’am a homeless orphan, and never really have been near a computer. Also, if the zombies don’t sense that you have been in control ,they inject you and pretty much give you the hypnosis. Now that around 99.99 percent of all Human population are zombies, its hard to stay normal. I Stay in the last floor of a 33 floor building with 5 of my friends: Nabir 14 years old(brave, Loen 16 years old, Jesam 15 years old, and Mathos 13 years old. Those are the names we have given ourselves. We all live in a 4 bed room apartment. When we aren’t outside, life is good. We have a 54” inch Hologram T.V , Motion sensor video games , and walls that repaint themselves with the touch of a button. In the garage we have a black Modified 1971 mustang. By modified we mean with motion sensing .50cal turrets on every side, a roll cage and, 700 Horsepower engine. How do we power all of this? Loen is a really good engineer and have always liked working with machines and metals and have made a generator that creates energy by taking hydrogen molecules out of water for our apartment. Outside, life is hard. Just a year ago we lost Nabir’s girlfriend ,Sleyan in an attempt to blow up the a minor server of supremacy that would at least make the New Englands part of the United States free. Jesam was a “second degree black belt” in MMA and ,taught us, how to defend ourselves ,with anything we could get our hands on. But mostly ,we use guns. Lots and lots of them.I’am the Sharpshooter of the group, with a TPG-1 with a Heatseaking bullets. The rest of my team use G36Cs with Electrocuting bullets. How did we get all of these weapons? 2 years ago, we Stole weapons from a place in nevada nicknamed Area 51. We hate killing the zombies because they were once humans too, but its us or them. On July,17,2025 i woke up to the sounds of Mathos making a frying pan fall of the counter. He was making french toasts again.”Dang it, not again!”, he says.” Hey mathos, were is everyone?, I say. “Loen in in the garage working on the car, putting the new “unbreakable” tires, Nabir is on the roof ,picking up the vegetables from the garden and jesam is watching that old movie “Avatar”, he says. After that, we all ate breakfast and discussed our plans of traveling to Redmond, washington to the Microsoft Headquarters and get this over with. “wait, wait, wait! we are going from Houston, Texas to Redmond, Washington? Thats like 2500 miles! says Nabir. “Do you know any other way? its the main building we destroy that, no more being hunted down!”says Jasem. “We leave in 3 days”, I say. Thank you so much i will add more age to them and change microsoft to something similar. Also all the names are my best friends name scrambled

Top 10 lists(it's a joke)? Top 10 reasons for not doing homework:- I din't have time my sister needed my kidney We converted to a religion that forbids algebra We had to use it for toilet paper when our plane went down in the desert my brother sold it on eBay It was confiscated for national security reasons,I can't tell anymore. My imaginary friend borrowed it and never gave it back IShaq was sick.So the lakers asked me to fill in It was due to may 12th of this year.DANG! Ithrew it at someone who said that you weren't the best teacher in school I dont remember anything after the aliens landed Things you'll never hear your parents say:- We think you need to improve your road rage score maple syrup baloons?COOL! why not drink it straight from the milk carton? Bedtime?not until you've read two comic books and watch some pro wrestling! Great rap song! turn it louder so that we can all hear Why don't you control the remote,you have better taste than your sister! Stick your arms out of the car window,there's a breeze Okay but don't let homework cut into your T.V. time No point in making the bed as you have to unmake it again tonight! no,we're not there yet but please keep asking! Least popular breakfast cereals:- Fish 'n' fiber Brocolli Chex candy coated cauliflower crisps Fruity styrofoam crunch Li'l bits o' tint Toasted hairballs Anchovy-O's frosted mini beets Flounder puffs Special P overheard in a cannibal family barbecue(if you've missed it):- "Lets invite the neighbors for lunch" "Get dressed-We're having company" "Mom sure makes a great hamburger" "I'd like to toast our guest of honour" "My stomach hurts-I think I ate someone who disagreed with me" "Want to try out the hot tub?" "Lately,I'm fed up with people" "I told you not to speak with someone in your mouth" "Don't get into a stew" "how did your team do today" "We creamed them" Ice-cream flavours rejected by baskin robbins:- Celery sorbet Beet 'n Brocolli rumba Sushi fudge surge Cookies 'n Clams Sludge brownie Choclate almond dirt Pinapple wood chip Dismember-mint Fudge Judy Chunky skunky Signs if a teacher is a werewolf:- Drinks from the faculty toilet Always styling her back hair Comes to work without her face combed Howls when she hears a good joke trims her elbows during homeroom Admits she does some"moonlighting" Sheds all over the teaches' lounge Wears a fur coat even in summer Slobbers over your homework When you shake her hand, you get rug burn cities that really exist(I swear) Flush,kansas riddle,wyoming toad s***,arkansas Gas city,indiana Tigght wad,missouri Boogertown,north carolina Pimple hill,pennysylania Go home,Canada Ding Dong,Texas Poop Creek,Oregon movies playing at the disgusting cineplex:- Lard of the rings Star warts Scoobie doo doo The sound of mucus The puke`mon movie Wizard of Ooze Mold Mountain Roadkill bill Honey,I stunk the kids James and the gaint leech Its long and stupid I know

Feel kind of violated. What should I do? Today, our apartment complex had a breakfast for members thing. I met this 80 year old man there. His wife is his age, and ill. He mentioned he had computer problems, I offered to go to his apartment and try to see what I could do. I sat there for a few hours installing programs and drivers. He is very involved in the community. Used to be mayor, used to be a substitute teacher. Seemed to be a very godly, Christian, Texas guy. Very charming guy. He was showing me all these pictures. He gave me a hug and asked if he could "adopt" me as his granddaughter. Very sweet guy. Kept hugging me. His wife was in the other room in bed. She is quite ill. The maid came in and was cleaning the room we were in. So we both went to the living room. Keep in mind I have two young children under 5. He said to me, I want to show you my favorite way to hold a young lady like yourself, and then he got behind me and put his hands over my breasts. I promptly took his hands off, grabbed the kids and left. He said he was sorry as I left the door. I didn't even let the kids put their shoes on, I just left. I mean, here is this nice old guy. Everybody here loves him. Nice Christian guy that does so many great things in the community. I feel so icky right now. What should I do?

this is my made up storie. It is called the other world? The Other World Hi my name is Jasmine Waikem(me). I am just you basic freshmen girl. I have short black hair and purple eyes. My alarm clock goes off. I wake up,get dressed,brush my hair,and go down stairs. I see my mom,and she says..."Jasmine your just in time. I just made your favorite breakfast. Blue berry pancakes." She sets the pancakes on the table and a cold glass of milk. i sit down and start to eat. In the middle of eating. I happen to glance up at the time. "oh no. The bus is going to be coming soon!" I grab my backpack and rush out the door. I go to my bus stop. I see my best friend Amber there. "AMBER!" I scream. "Long time no see Jasmine." "It has been a while. How was your summer?" I say. "It was great. I was in texas the whole summer." She says. "That's good. It sounds like it was a lot of fun." "It was. There are a lot of farms." After she said that the bus comes. The day flays by quickly. I go home say hi to my mom and go upstairs. I set my stuff down on my floor and lay on my bed. I suddenly notice a door I have never seen before. I rub my eyes to make sure i am not seeing things. "When did this door get here?" I think. I open the door and I peer inside. I see a beautiful palace and i go in and shut the door. What will happen next?

Proposition 8: Can I tell you the difference between gay marriage and domestic partnership? Here it is: I am Italian (Rino) and my husband is American (Lloyd). Marriage. Me and my husband got married in the UK and now my husband is a European citizen like me. He can work, buy a house, do whatever he wants in Europe thanks to our marriage. We have bought a house in Italy by selling the old house of MY parents, which we turned into a bed and breakfast in Tuscany and he pays his share of taxes like every other European does. He can run our bed and breakfast company on his own and manage the paperwork without any of my help. Me: Even though we have a bed and breakfast in Italy, our home in Dallas, Texas. Here I am attending the college and trying to get a bachelor in Business because I have always been working and never had the time to graduate. But that's not the only reason why I am going to college. I can be in the US only with a student visa, because I do not qualify to start any business, I cannot have a mortgage from a US bank, I do not qualify for a SSN because international students do not qualify. If ever Lloyd will get sick, and he will need to use an American hospital, I will not be able to be with him because I do not qualify for any domestic rights, because I am not an American citizen. If I drop out of school, I will have to live separately from Lloyd if he needs to come home to the US. I have to show off at least $50,000 in cash from my bank account every 2 years just to extend my student visa and I must be at a high academic standing if I want to keep staying in Dallas with my husband. We live in a constant fear and despair because the US denies our right to live together and be socially recognized. Getting married in Massachusetts or California will not change the situation because they are state laws. I send Lloyd to manage the bed and breakfast in Italy during summer while I have to make sure to verify my passport visa every time I live the US and go to college in the summer so I can get a degree faster. The only way I can become a citizen is by having a working visa, when in truth I already have a job. I will first have to find a company that will eventually sponsor me, and then I will have to work both for this company full time for many years and plus manage the bed and breakfast with all the stuff. I had to get to Italy in several occasions during summer to help my husband in Italy. This tells you the gravity of the situation. It's an injustice, in a land that I thought it was called the land of opportunity. And you know why I am doing this? Because I love Lloyd to death and he loves me even more, to the point that we go through all this mess for the sake of having a great life together. Even though I am 26 and I think gay rights will never be completely given in a short time, I am here to say that at least Americans come back to its global importance by voting NO to the Proposition 8 in California. Stupids. If I would be able to be married with Lloyd, then I would have a green card and I could live with my husband, as straight couples are able to do in the same identical situation.

West Texas bed & breakfasts? I am planning a romantic weekend around March, what are good bed & breakfasts,or citites. I am thinking Fort Davis, Tx. IDEAS, SUGGESTIONS?

What is a good bed & breakfast to go to in San Antonio, Texas?

Does anyone know any romantic Bed & Breakfast places in the Hill Country of Texas like Fredricksburg?

what does san marcus texas have to offer in way of gay lifestyle is there gay bars gay bed and breakfast help looking to spend our 1yr anniversary there would like to know what there is for a gay couple to do there and just how friendly is san marcus to gays

Looking for a romantic mini vacation in the La/tx/ark/ms/ok/ area, no more than 5 hour drive from Dallas? or new orleans for a mini vacation with significant other. We did not take our annual vacation this year for reasons beyond our control. we both have small kids & major job responsibiliteis so we cannot be gone long. We have travled often together, always big cities, major hotels, I am looking for a quiet secluded romantic spot (maybe a bed & breakfast) but only if it allows privacy & separate entrance, really would love a place that offered massages etc, but not a major, expensive spa. Anyone have any idea of a place to go, maybe horse drawn carriages, romantic bluffs or lakes, creeks etc. A valentines special at an old antibellum home. I hate to stress the massage thing, but we both want to relax & we love spas but don't want the big spa with 999 treatments etc, something low key, a room or cabin with a fireplace, hot tub on a private verand, etc. Louiaiana, arkansas, texas(north), oklahoma-near dallas, Mississippi, jackson, vicksburg, natchez. any answers appreciated

I think my friend is bi or lesbian Now, I have always considered myself to be straight,but lately I've been falling for this girl. I met her a few months ago through a mutal friend. Well, we ended up all going on a trip together and then I started questioning my sexuality and hers. She would make "lesbian comments" and then say she was just kidding. One day she pulled me away from our other two friends to go to the bar. She stood next to me while I was sitting in the chair and started asking me questions like if had had any water(before drinking alcohol) she ordred my water then my drinks. The way she was acting seemed like the way I would expect a male to act. I started wondering about her then. She and I shared a hotel room and she would go in the bathroom and take off all her clothes and wrap up in a towel across the bed. Anyway, when we got back she stayed the night at my house because she was moving to Texas the next day. The next morning I made breakfast for me and her and she she thanked me,but it just seemed very different. We started keeping in touch and we would instant message etc. One day I sent an IM saying she looked hot because she had a winter picture up. She sent me back an IM saying " U know how I know ur gay?" "Cause your checking me out and calling me hot,lol" She also sent me a text message one day telling me I had a crush on her. While talking on the phone oneday she kept asking what I thought of her when we fist met and if I thought she was pretty. I guess she wanted me to say "wow,she is pretty!" but I would so she said that it wasn't going the way it supposed to go. I think she is bi/lesbian I'm not sure. What do think?

Yo mama jokes? your moms like a big mac...full of fat and worth 1 dollar Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals." Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her. Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry. Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow. Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower. Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras. Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?" Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday. Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints. Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote! Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out! Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested! Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone! Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown. Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone! Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!! Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road! Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life. Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border! Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween. Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her. Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away. Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye. Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party! Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! " Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!! Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!" Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo momma is so fat her waist size is equator! Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell! Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family. Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil! Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale! Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole *** over! Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up. Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections! Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! Yo momma so fat she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book! Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand! Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued." Yo momma so fat her nickname is, "DAY-UM!" Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo momma so fat we're in her right now. Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise. Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone. Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors. Yo mamma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her... Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world. Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!" Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions! Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!" Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!" Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized. Yo momma so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway. Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her! Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller. Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets. Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th. Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too. Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear, "Caution! Wide Turn." Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please." Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code! Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen! Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved! Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg. Yo momma so fat , her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky! Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the *****'s good side! Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose. Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball! Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell! Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views! Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon! Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ***, she has to make two trips! Yo momma so fat her belly button's got an echo. Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper! Yo momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock. Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out! Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights! Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out! Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans! Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu. Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whoelband skips! Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones. Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through. Yo momma so fat when the ***** goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo momma so fat that she can't tie her own shoes. Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket. Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn-X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back! Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth. Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures. Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl. Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide. Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts! Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet. Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship. Yo momma so fat she accidently got a 757 caught in her teeth. Yo momma so fat to her, "light food," means under 4 Tons! Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals! Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ! Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development. Yo momma so fat she won, "Miss Bessie the Cow 94." Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans. Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test! Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink! Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K." Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home. Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends. Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn't read. Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind. Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice. Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?" Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean! Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund. Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics." Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday. Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course. Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book. Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch. Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus. Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus. Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg. Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper . Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World - Left" so she went home. Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, "Guess" so she said, "Levi's." Yo momma so old, she has Jesus' beeper number! Yo momma so old, her social security number is 1! Yo momma so old, she older than yo grandma! Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch! Yo momma so old that when she was in school, there was no history class. Yo momma so old, she owes Jesus 3 bucks! Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook! Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs. Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. Yo momma so old when she reads the bible she reminisces. Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade. Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything". Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse. Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang. Yo momma so old even God calls her mother! Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!! Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box! Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money. Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r. Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving." Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!" Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp. Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps. Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut. Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning. Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus. Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner!" Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner." Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet! Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe? Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop! Yo momma like a shot gun, two cocks and she blows! Yo momma like Domino's pizza -- Something for nothing. Yo momma like spoiled milk, fat and chunky! Yo momma like cake mix, 15 servings per package! Yo momma like a bowling ball: She's picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter. Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!" Yo momma like Orange Crush: "Good Vibrations!" Yo momma like a hockey team...changes her pads every three periods! Yo momma like chinese food: sweet, sour and cheap! Yo momma is like a racing car...chick burned four rubbers in one night. Yo momma like castlebury stew: servings are family size. Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles! Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter! Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.